My Grief Journey as a Living Book.
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In the past I’ve written about how grief can feel like you’re trudging through deep snow while carrying a heavy pack on your back and feeling overwhelmed, disoriented, and isolated. As a bereaved mom for the past 17 years, I have learned that grief is so much more than the crushing emotions that typically define this experience. It’s an ongoing process that unfolds and reveals new challenges and new learning, with each year.
It’s a journey and one that often feels like you are living in a book, with pages filled with both sorrow and strength. For myself, each chapter offers profound lessons, moments of joy, and at the same time, are underscored by the unwavering pain of Sara’s absence. The journey is about navigating everyday challenges while carrying the weight of the loss of our child and ensuring their memory is still being honored.
My story is filled with unimaginable heartache but also with hope and resilience. When I began speaking and writing openly about my grief journey, I received feedback that said, “your words are my words”, and “I’ve always wanted to share my story but couldn’t, so thank you for doing it for both of us”, these comments fueled my passion for becoming an advocate for those with similar experiences. In doing so, I not only found healing, but I found purpose, for anytime I can dispel common misconceptions about grief and encourage open dialogue about this typically taboo subject, we all benefit.
Last month, I had the unique opportunity to be a “living book” for the Living Library at the University of Alberta’s Social Justice Week. Our daughter Sara was proud to be an alumnus of the University of Alberta, which made this experience taking place on the UOA campus even more poignant. The “living books” are individuals sharing their own stories of resilience and are “signed out” by community members, who gathered in small groups at the library to listen to our story, asked questions, and hopefully gain compassion and understanding on the topic of discussion. My living book presentation was on the topic of my grief journey.
Whenever I speak on my grief journey, I’m always asked about how to best offer support to those who are grieving. My answer to this question is to provide space for the bereaved to grieve as hard as they need to without judgement or trying to fix the grief. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about their child, remember you’re not reminding them that their child has died, but rather giving them the opportunity to talk about their child.
It’s important to remember that grief is more than needing to “let go” for it is often nuanced with complexities. A bereaved parent’s grief is a testament to the love they have for their child, so please don’t expect them to just “move on” after a certain amount of time has passed. With this type of support they will move through their grief and experience all that there is to learn from their grief.
My grief journey provides a unique lens for me as a social worker, since my personal and professional growth continuously intersect with each other. My experience as a bereaved mother shapes my understanding of grief and highlights the importance of compassionate listening. Whenever I’m sharing my grief story either professionally or personally, my intent is to honor Sara’s memory. I know that I have more to add to my grief story, as grief is an ongoing process, and I will never stop wanting to remind other’s that Sara was here, that her life and death has impacted so many.
This year on the anniversary of Sara’s passing I will be volunteering with a group of women who are in the fight for their lives, as they battle cancer. I will be sharing with them a guided healing meditation, and I will do so with a deep sense of gratitude for all those who have supported me through my most difficult days. I know Sara would be proud and that’s what keeps me going.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, I welcome all your questions or comments. If you would like to listen to the guided meditation, I offered to the women I volunteer with, you can find it here, as it’s my gift to you,
Namaste`
Loralee
Loralee J Scobie
For over 2 decades, Loralee Scobie has been professionally working with energy and helping women (and men) embrace the power of their own being. Loralee started her career as a registered social worker but always knew through her own childhood experiences with spirit that we are all more powerful than we know.
As a Reiki Master/teacher Loralee offers training in Reiki (Japanese healing art) and in meditation. Loralee is a firm believer to be an authentic teacher of Reiki one must work with Reiki daily (either on self or others), for the Reiki energy is the true teacher. In her full-time practice Scobie offers in person and distance (via facetime or zoom) treatments on demand.
Loralee believes that meditation is the foundation to all spiritual practices and should be incorporated into ones’ daily routine. She offers group training online and in person, where she teaches not only how to meditate, but how to create your own meditation practice. Loralee also provides a unique service where she will compose/record a personal meditation just for you, relevant to what you are working on healing in your life.
As a certified hypnotherapist Loralee has helped many clients young and older on how to use hypnotherapy to overcome obstacles in this lifetime. These sessions can be shared either in person or on zoom/facetime.
Loralee is the published author of her first book titled A New Normal-A Grieving Mother’s Journey from Loss to Healing. In this narrative Scobie shares what it took to move her through her grief and to go on to live a life of purpose, following the death of her daughter. She also shares what is and isn’t helpful for grieving parents and how others can best support the bereaved. Loralee can be booked as a guest speaker and welcomes the opportunity to read from her book and sign copies.
Learn more @ loraleescobie.com
