Serendipity & Grief
Sara Kimberlee Scobie (September 9, 1983 - March 13, 2008)
I had an interesting experience the other day that I’d like to share with my readers. I hope this gives some insight into the mind of a bereaved parent. If you also are grieving the loss of your child or love someone who is, my intent here is always to normalize our grieving process.
Last week I popped into my friend’s store to say hello and have a short visit as I often do, but she was busy, so I sat down next to another customer, and we started chatting about travel, since she was there to purchase new clothes for an upcoming trip.
We both shared stories of where we had travelled to and what we liked most about each destination. As our discussion continued, she stated that she began travelling around 10 years ago, following the tragic death of her adult son. I then disclosed that I too was a bereaved mom, and our conversation then shifted from travel to talking about our deceased children and our grieving process.
We learned from one another, that even though our children had died under very different circumstances, that we both had periods of time where we felt that we might be losing our minds. I have heard this time and time again from grieving mothers, which is another reason I wanted to share this story with you all today.
She shared that it doesn’t matter where she travels to in the world, she always catches herself looking for her deceased son and believing if only for just an instant that she sees him. I too have had this experience many times with my daughter Sara, who died 16 years ago.
This first began when we were still living in Slave Lake, AB and Sara’s dad began coaching the men’s senior hockey team. At the very first game and many to follow, I would notice someone walking towards me smiling a big, beautiful smile and for an instant I would think, “Oh Sara is here to watch her dad’s hockey team”, but then I would suddenly realize it wasn’t her. This experience would not only leave my heart aching for Sara but also have me questioning my own sanity.
You see Sara mostly wore jeans, hiking boots, a hoodie and puffer vest and either had her sunglasses on or they were perched on the top of her head, with her beautiful long hair either in a ponytail or loose flowing down past her shoulders. So, whenever I would catch a glimpse of someone who looked/dressed similar it would take my breath away. I would swear that I would see her, if even for an instant.
These incidents of seeing Sara continued whenever my husband and I would travel. Undoubtedly, we would see a similar looking young woman and for that split second think that was our Sara and she was there waiting for us.
Over the years I’ve learned this phenomenon happens for 2 reasons. Firstly, from a psychological perspective, we are not losing our minds but rather this is a trauma response, it’s how our brain gently processes and copes with the psychological trauma of our child dying. Secondly, from a spiritual perspective, I believe (as does my new acquaintance) that our children want us to know that they haven’t left us, and these small flickers of seeing them is their energy. They’re there cheering us on, telling us its ok to continue living, to travel and to have new experiences.
My new friend stated that in recent years this has become a game with her and her son, that when she travels to another country, she wonders how many times she will see him there, travelling along her side. I agreed and told her that on one of our last trips, there were so many Sara sightings and indications that she was there with us that it became comical to us. This experience no longer took our breath away and made our heart ache, as it was confirmation that she was right there with us and always would be.
Now here’s the serendipity of this entire conversation my new friend and I were having. As she got up to leave, she mentioned she had recently been gifted a book about a grieving mom and that it was sitting at her coffee table, and she was going straight home to start reading it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and I casually stated that I too had written a book so that our experience of grieving for our children could be shared and normalized, much like the conversation we’d just had. It was at that moment we both realized that it was my book A New Normal, that she had been gifted. Some would think wow what a crazy coincidence, but we both knew it was not. We hugged each other tightly and thanked our kids, for making sure we met on this day! She said her son must really want her to read that book if he put the author right in front her to chat with today and I agreed!
These types of coincidences, or serendipitous meetings occur more often than one would think, as I’ve had several experiences, many of which aren’t explicable. They serve as reminders that our loved ones without a doubt exist beyond what our eyes can see and its comforting to know that our love that was shared never dies.
I am so appreciative for the opportunity to share with you this blog, for as I write I process, and as I process, I heal myself a little bit more each time. Thank you, my friends.
Namaste’.
Loralee Scobie
Loralee J Scobie
For over 2 decades, Loralee Scobie has been professionally working with energy and helping women (and men) embrace the power of their own being. Loralee started her career as a registered social worker but always knew through her own childhood experiences with spirit that we are all more powerful than we know.
As a Reiki Master/teacher Loralee offers training in Reiki (Japanese healing art) and in meditation. Loralee is a firm believer to be an authentic teacher of Reiki one must work with Reiki daily (either on self or others), for the Reiki energy is the true teacher. In her full-time practice Scobie offers in person and distance (via facetime or zoom) treatments on demand.
Loralee believes that meditation is the foundation to all spiritual practices and should be incorporated into ones’ daily routine. She offers group training online and in person, where she teaches not only how to meditate, but how to create your own meditation practice. Loralee also provides a unique service where she will compose/record a personal meditation just for you, relevant to what you are working on healing in your life.
As a certified hypnotherapist Loralee has helped many clients young and older on how to use hypnotherapy to overcome obstacles in this lifetime. These sessions can be shared either in person or on zoom/facetime.
Loralee is the published author of her first book titled A New Normal-A Grieving Mother’s Journey from Loss to Healing. In this narrative Scobie shares what it took to move her through her grief and to go on to live a life of purpose, following the death of her daughter. She also shares what is and isn’t helpful for grieving parents and how others can best support the bereaved. Loralee can be booked as a guest speaker and welcomes the opportunity to read from her book and sign copies.
Learn more @ loraleescobie.com
